Products but not Prisoners

Products but not Prisoners

Have you ever heard of the “father wound?”

What were those missed moments in your life that dad failed to take charge of? You know, those moments where he could have been intentional about teaching you those life lessons: how to fix cars, how to treat girls, how to handle your money, religious values and beliefs, or how to choose a career, to name a few.

What were those hurtful moments in your life that happened when you needed dad most and he either wasn’t there, or acted unjustly toward you?

What about those defining moments where the true character of your dad was revealed and you decided “I’m going to be better than that!” or some other agreement in your inner thoughts that you made.

When a boy fails to connect with his dad, demons of one kind or another, often fill the void. Perhaps you’ve seen them in other people or even yourself: workaholism, macho-ism, alcoholism, sexual promiscuity, or selfish ambition.

Not all dads are bad. In fact, there are many dads who do a great job raising their kids and training them to actually hit a mark–intentionally. Are you one of them? Have you proactively unpacked your past and closed out the “unfinished business” — the themes and pain that resides there? Having done that, then the ability to launch your son into authentic manhood will be a much more enriching and effective journey.

“We are products of the past, but we are not prisoners of the past unless we choose to be.” (Robert Lewis in Men’s Fraternity.)

If you’d like further help, respond to this blog or email me, and I will make the effort to coach you through this area of your life!

  • The Traveler

    My dad was absolutely the greatest. He still is. And as athiest as they come (or is he?).

    My dad was never there intentionally, but always there casually. I learned everything from him, not becuase he forced it, but because I wanted it. He never spanked me (a trait I didn't carry on to my children), at least not physically, but disciplined me always (somehow). He has always been an example of love, generosity, patience, and kindness. It is his way, not because he is religious or Christian (or is he?), but because it is in his very nature.

    He and I were talking the other day about life, death, and God (I mentioned earlier, that is not a subject he cares about). We got to sharing what drives us to who we are. He told me that he has always been motivated by one thing. He said "Love your fellow man, be kind, and give." Sounds like God a little doesn't it?

    You shall know them by …
    1) The isle the walked
    2) The prayer they made
    3) The church they attend

    I don't think so. It says you shall know them by their fruit doesn't it?

    Most of the time, I feel like my dad is 10 times the Christian I could ever hope to become. And all he has to show is fruit.

    I wonder where fruit of this type comes from? Isn't there something about "he who loves is of God?" Hmm.

    I hope my son becomes 1/2 the man my dad is. I pray every day to reach him in a sincere, heart-felt way.

    Thanks for having this blog to share my heart.

  • Linda

    A good, new book on the subject of fathers or fatherlessness is Donald Miller's latest entitled, "To Own a Dragon." I'm only a few chapters into it, but, as always with this author, I'm captivated.

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